The Spade (an essay)

When the spade was first created in March 1926 it was laughed at and ridiculed. People thought it was a fad and would never last. Back in those days people had big hands and thought that they could do the job perfectly well and wondered why they would need such a tool. Part of the reason they thought this was because the first incarnation of the spade was sculpted out of potato peelings.




the peeling era
With the coming of the industrial revolution, the invention of the Steam Powered Potato Peeler led to longer, stronger peelings. These endless strands of excess spud seemed to form into curious rectanges with long thin necks and small handle shapes. One day crisp factory owner Dennis Spade lost his hands in a Peeling Machine and didnt have any way of digging for more potatoes. Making full use of his great mind, Dennis thus realised the wonderful potential of the peelings. On that day he named the new digging tool a 'Dennis Spade' which was shortened to 'Spade' in September 1926. Soon every crisp factory and chip shop in the land had a spade although the general masses would take many more years to catch on to the trend.

The limpness of the early spade was proving to be a bit annoying. This was rectified a few months later by some brain box and made instead of mould. This phase of the spade lasted quite adequately for around 20 years until 1946 when it was cast from metal with a wooden handle.






Modern spade
This was a revelation. A monumental moment in human history. Countless books have been written about this. The most comprehensive of which being "A Spade Is Not Just A Spade" by Jean Floyyd-Cart and the most entertaining one containing many amusing anecdotes and delectable morsels of gossip: "Spading It Up" by Dr Brian R Springheel PhD. There have also, of course, been several very popular blockbuster and a few art house films made of this incredible period in spade time. Many famous artists have also immortalised this moment in timeless and exquisite pieces, including Michelangelo and Jeff Koons.





The spade has proven to be one of, if not the, most important addition to life on planet earth. It has survived through the ages, through many experimentations with size, colour, girth, weight and flavour. Perhaps one day it will transcend this planet and become the first implement in space and our contribution to alien civilisations.